Sex without the penis – it’s possible

sex-what-you-dont-knowWhat if I told you that everything you knew about sex was wrong? That there’s a lot more to sex than vaginal intercourse and you doesn’t need your penis erect all the time to have a good time? So today I present to you the world beyond vaginal intercourse AKA outercourse. Outercourse is an umbrella term that refers to all forms of sexual acts except penetration which includes kissing, foreplay, oral sex, mutual masturbation, necking, dry humping, rubbing, massages, mammary intercourse and much more.

What is the importance of outercourse?

Often the term is used synonymously with foreplay which most guys believe is a sort of precursor to penetrative sex. Rachel Hercman, a Female Sexuality Psychotherapist says that men need to understand the importance of foreplay. ‘Foreplay is helpful in getting partners aroused. For a man, arousal can happen within seconds and may not require more than visual stimuli. For a woman, arousal usually takes more time and may necessitate more physical and mental stimulation.  Kissing can be arousing physically for some but can also be arousing emotionally and make the couple feel closer.’

She even draws an interesting analogy with cult classic Pretty Woman – a romantic comedy starring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts where the latter played a prostitute and claims that prostitutes don’t kiss their clients because it’s considered a very intimate act. ‘I don’t think it’s a coincidence that many prostitutes have a ‘no kissing’ rule. Presumably, it’s because kissing can be very emotionally intimate and makes it a more complete mind/body experience. Sex is essentially about connecting; outercourse allows you to connect on multiple levels, experiencing multiple feelings, and keep variety in the relationship.’ Read more about the various erogenous zones a woman has on her body.

Adds Dr Vijaysarathi Ramanathan, a Sexual Health Physician, ‘We have porn to blame for people thinking that all there’s to sex is vaginal intercourse. Here’s where outercourse plays an important part. Some women don’t like vaginal intercourse due to pain or some past negative experience. Rather than tell their partners these women tend to avoid sex all together which could be misinterpreted as not being interested in sex.  Likewise, men who have sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation tend to avoid sex in order to escape from another episode of shame, embarrassment and failure. Instead of discussing their problem, they tend to portray that they are not interested in sex even though they like it.  While this could be a temporary solution, such men could worsen their problem by totally avoiding sex. In all the above situations, getting professional help, from sexual health specialists, could be of great help.’ Read more about the effects of porn on your sex life.

Different ways to reach the Big O

Another issue is the fact that many women find it hard to achieve an orgasm through traditional intercourse. Many women find it hard to climax during intercourse and one reason for this might be that the vaginal wallshas less nerve endings than the clitoris. There’s also the fact that women have erogenous zones all over the body which need to be stimulated and that’s just not possible with regular intercourse. The neck, back, knees, ankles, inner thighs, anus, armpits, calves are all erogenous places and you should look to touch base everywhere. Just having vaginal intercourse would be similar to eating the same dish over and over and over again for all eternity and it can get really boring. So why not try something new and different? Read more about female orgasm and the various myths associated with it.

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