Female masturbation — 10 steps to have an orgasm

female-masturbationMasturbation is a term we generally associate men, but masturbation isn’t the exclusive domain of men and women can masturbate too. What most people tend to forget is that women are also sexual beings and can have the same needs, just like a man. While the jury is still out on what actually excites a woman (erotic novels, sexy innuendos, a certain fragrance or even the memory of someone) and how often women think about sex, it is definitely true that women need sexual release just like men.

In India, where societal norms and rules don’t allow women to express their sexuality or even acknowledge the presence of any kind of pleasure, it is quite common to come across people who think that masturbation does not exist, that a woman cannot pleasure herself and  that touching your private parts is weird apart from other such misconceptions. So, in order to empower women to feel pleasure,  in this post we answer some of the most burning questions about masturbation, how you can do it and why it is essential.

Do women actually do it?

First things first – yes! Women do and can masturbate; just as men do. Although the organs involved are a bit different, the satisfaction is far greater than what a man feels when he masturbates (our orgasms lasts approximately 25 seconds as compared to a man’s 15 seconds). Apart from that, it is absolutely natural, normal and will do you no harm. In fact masturbation is a healthy practice and can help you in a number of ways. It helps you build a positive body image, helps you understand what you do and don’t like – sexually, what turns you on and most importantly lets you explore and understand your private parts (an absolutely essential thing when it comes to your health). Read about why masturbating is important for your health.

Can a woman do it herself?

Yes, you can. All you actually need are your fingers and your body. It’s that simple. While most of us think that we need a partner to help us feel pleasure or climax, there is nothing father from the truth. Most women do not orgasm while having sexual intercourse. In fact, according to a recent study 30% women do not orgasm when stimulated vaginally, making penetrative sex a little disappointing. This is where pleasuring yourself comes in very handy. No more frustrating nights where your partner has not been able to make you orgasm. Sounds good doesn’t it?

Is it safe?  Is there any risk of injury?

Okay, we won’t lie, if you are overzealous while you masturbate, you could harm yourself. Here is where knowing what you like is essential. If you don’t know yet, experimentation is the key, but apart from you wanting to hit that happy-high too quickly, there is no other risk involved with masturbation. Yes, using sex toys or other objects to pleasure yourself vaginally, may have its own risks, so it is best you use them wisely.

Risks and precautions: Here are some preparatory steps and precautions you should take

  1. Wash your hands well:  Before you masturbate wash your hands well, with soap. This is an essential step as dirty hands are capable of causing an infection. Additionally, if you have just eaten something spicy you will end up feeling a burning sensation rather than pleasure. So wash your hands well.
  2. Maintain short nails: Your genital areas (clitoris, inner and outer lips of your vagina and the walls of your vagina) are made up of extremely soft skin, that is easily damaged. So cut your nails and file them so they are soft and do not scratch you.
  3. Clean your sex toys: If you do use a sex toy (like a vibrator or a dildo) remember to wash it well with warm water and soap. This will prevent you from introducing any infection causing organisms into your private parts.

How do you do it?

Here is a 10 step guide to get you started

Step 1: Set the mood: The kind of arousal you need is subjective, but one thing a woman needs is a calm, relaxing environment where she can simply unwind and think sexy thoughts. So try to set the mood, light some candles, draw a relaxing bath, play some sexy music and if you like, pick up an erotic novel.  Most importantly, remember to lock your door so that you are not disturbed, unless you live alone, that is. Another good preparatory tip is to have soft and inviting lights along with a clean, soft bed sheet. While this might sound silly, the right lighting and a bed sheet that feels wonderful against your naked skin can make all the difference.

Step 2: Undress: This is not really that essential, but it definitely helps. Some women may not feel comfortable being completely nude, while there are others who might enjoy it. So figure it out. Strip and see how you feel, if you like it lie down on your back.

Step 3: Imagine: Whether it’s a romantic scene from Grey’s Anatomy or the image of a hot model, imagine a scenario in which you feel sexually aroused. This part will also teach you about what you like sexually. Be it rough sex, romantic kisses or some fetish, go with the flow and allow yourself some dirty thoughts.

Step 4: Touch your body: You could start with simply running your fingers across your body, breasts, face, hair, lips, the top of your abdomen leading to your vaginal lips and inner thighs. This process will tell you where you like being touched. Some of the most common erogenous zones include your nipples, breasts, inner thighs, inner and outer lips of your vagina. For some women the scalp is also a good erogenous zone. So touch yourself, and when you feel that a particular spot works well for you intensify your touch there.

Step 5: Move to the zone that will make you orgasm: While some women can orgasm touching their breasts (called a breast orgasm), clitoris or inner thighs there are others who like the feeling of touching the outer and inner lips of their genitals. You could also stroke the outer portions of your vagina and move up to you clitoris. Here is when you might want to spread your legs, bend your knees and allow your hands to explore. The clitoris is a tiny bump like structure that is present at the top of your vaginal lips. It is usually a little hard to touch and will feel extremely good. While stimulating your clitoris remember that the pressure you apply depends on how you feel. For some women a light stroking and feather like touch is all that is needed, while for others something stronger might do the trick.

Steps 6: Intensify your touch: If you like touching your clitoris and that is what turns you on, intensify your touch there. A good way to know that you are aroused is to focus on what you feel, your breath will become faster and more laboured, your genital region will engorge with blood and you will feel warm all over, you might even sweat a bit. Now, using your index finger (or any other finger you want) you can try to stroke your clitoris in circular motions. Start gently and make it stronger as your feeling of arousal intensifies.

Step 7: Add other factors: To make this experience even more exciting, try touching your nipples and breast with your other hand. You could also touch your vagina, gently stroking it. To make things even more exciting you can even try inserting a finger into your vagina. If you are a virgin this might be new to you and you might see some blood initially, but this is just your hymen breaking. Remember to be gentle if you do decide to do this for the first time. Another great way is to run your hands along your body, focusing on your tummy, just above and below your belly button. Let your fantasies intensify too. Imagine yourself being caressed, having sex or even receiving some oral sex. Most importantly, allow your body to tell you what you like.

Step 8: Climax: Now is when you are absolutely ready to orgasm. You will feel extremely aroused, like your orgasm is about to happen. This is a sensation where you are just desperate for more. Now is when you can make swifter and stronger motions around your clitoris and vagina. If you have a finger in your vagina or are playing with your breasts, try to make stronger motions around the area (you can pinch your nipples or move your finger in and out of your vagina), this will only intensify the feeling you are experiencing.  Soon you should feel an absolutely amazing sensation wash over you. Don’t stop what you are doing, and allow yourself to be completely in the moment. Breathing in deeply can help intensify the feeling and will make your orgasm last longer.  You will feel your vagina contract, your body stiffen and in some cases, your toes curl (a toe curling orgasm is not a myth ladies). Read more about the 5 types of orgasms every woman can have.

Step 9: Enjoy the after-glow: This is when your orgasm has just ended and a feeling of absolute happiness and relaxation fills you. Allow your body to simply unravel and enjoy the moment. Some women like to hug a pillow or simply curl up and rest for a while. You may even want to take a nap. Don’t worry, it is an absolutely normal feeling, and is because of all the happy hormones coursing through your body. Just allow yourself to revel in the feeling.

Step 10: Wash up: Once you have rested and are ready to get up, head to the bathroom and wash up. This is essential with respect to hygiene, as during arousal your vagina secretes lubricating fluid that must be washed away after you are done. Some plain warm or room temperature water should do the trick.

How often can/ should a woman masturbate?

This is entirely up to you and depends on how often you feel like doing it. Women, most often have phases in the month where they are more sexually aroused than other times, so gauge this and allow yourself the pleasure. But, be warned having an orgasm and masturbating can be addictive (all good things are) so masturbate only when you absolutely must.

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